Fathers Day comes around once a year and this year it caught me by surprise. Not that  the date was a shock per say as it’s been printed in my diary since Jan 1st. My husband is quite used to not receiving gifts at the usual celebrations throughout the year  – whether it be a Fathers Day. his birthday, our anniversary or Christmas. He is so much happier to keep any frivolous spending down to a minimum.

My feeling of envy started when I woke up reading everyones beautiful posts on Facebook and how they continued to celebrate Father’s Day with their Daddies – it gave me a very strange feeling.

On reflection it was the powerful emotion of envy. I am usually very content with my life and take life’s challenges head on whilst continuing to emit a beaming smile.  Envy is an alien emotion to me. I only usually feel the complete engulfing pain of envy when I am in a shoe shop and I am surrounded by beautiful shoes and not one pair in the entire shop will fit my uniquely sized 9 feet. Its like being Julia Robert when she starred in Pretty Woman and the boutique owner says to her ‘we have nothing that fits you in here!’ Just sadly even when I dress up in a posh frock and have a fist full of notes to buy any shoe they still tell me they have nothing to fit!

Its no surprise that I have extreme emotions on Fathers Day. My amazing Daddy sadly left the party we call life way to soon. It was 1999 and he has been sadly missing from all the  poinyant life events and is greatly missed for his fun loving character by all the family.
Throughout today I have had a song Lyric by Take That from ‘ Never Forgot ‘ running through my head –

safe from the arms of disappointment for so long,

Feel each day we’ve come too far,
Yet each day seems to make much more.
Sure is good to be here,
I understand the meaning of ‘i can’t explain this feeling’ now
And it feels so unreal.
At night I see the hand that reminds me of the stand that I make,
The fact of reality.

Never forget where you’ve come here from,
Never pretend that it’s all real,
Someday soon this will all be someone else’s dream,
This will be someone elses dream.

I will sadly never have the opportunity to thank my Dad face to face for ensuring I am a well rounded, fun loving, quick witted, generous of heart, kind natured kind of a girl but I do know one thing – my feelings of envy will be lost in time.

Losing a parent at a young age hammers home the fact that our lives will most definately eventually be someone else’s dream and we should never forget where we have come from.

 

With that sentiment I have shifted the feeling of envy to one of pride – I may only have had my precious Dad guiding my life for 29 years of my 45 years but I certainly will never forget his smile and I will pass that onto my two boys to take with them through life. This will be the most precious gift I will ever be able to give them.